Thief, the Lie Within Me

Revised: 01/23/2017

I barely recognize the woman who wrote this blog. I barely know who she is now. I have grown so much since posting this. My life is at an entirely different place. It was suppose to be about all these amazing and great things I had planned on doing in 2016. You know that shit filled line “New Year New Me.” Although many of the items on my list for 12 Months Of Happiness happened but none as I had planned or hoped for. Since my life has so dramatically changed and I haven’t even been able to blog in nearly a year I knew my blog had to change. I’m keeping a few of the great post such as this one to still encourage people to grow and not hold back on life. Well I’m staring down the road of 2017 and not a damn clue what I’m doing most days but I am so blessed and truly enjoying my life at the moment! Stick around this year is going to be full of surprises from me!!!

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10

This lie has become a part of my daily life. It has taken on its own characteristics. “Thief”, as I have named this lie, has stolen my happiness. He has killed my soul. I allowed him to destroy important parts of who I am.

I don’t remember exactly when Thief took up residence in my head. Before I knew it, Thief had a strong foundation built. I recognized him in the beginning, but I never evicted him. It was no time before Thief had walls and roof up. It wasn’t until Thanksgiving this past year that I realized if I didn’t evict him, he was going to have a 1000 acre ranch taking up residence.
Thanksgiving is a time for family and happiness. Spending time with the ones you love, making memories, sharing laughs, playing with the kids. Although, my soul wanted all of those wonderful joys, my head was saying your miserable and unhappy, overpowering that warm joyful feelings. I allowed Thief once again to steal my happiness. I allowed him to come between the relationships I adore the most.

I’ve never considered myself a fake person. I’m brutally honest. I love being around family and friends. I’ve always been outgoing and cheerful. I smile at strangers and help old ladies in the grocery store. I enjoy playing with my nieces and nephews. Hearing their laughter and seeing their smiles. I’ve always loved helping others. These things have always made my heart feel whole. That was until Thief came along.

I’ve given more fake smiles and kind words the past few years then I even knew was possible. When I asked “how are you?” I really wasn’t wanting a response. I was doing it out of habit. When someone asked me “how are you?” I put a smile on my face ear to ear and replied “Great!!” While, inside my body was screaming stop talking to me.

It wasn’t until recently I discovered that Thief no longer had a place to live inside me anymore. It was beyond time for him to go! He had destroyed and stolen enough of who I am. I had the chance to speak with Sara, a life coach. We talked back and forth about numerous issues. We mainly spoke about my desires and my goals. I realized, I was 28 years old and goalless. I’d lost my will to go farther, my drive to achieve. I’ve always loved learning new things and going on adventures; neither of which I’ve done in years.

It was then I realized this funk I’ve been in is because of my own unhappiness, aka Thief. My desire to please everyone around me and to careless about my own well being. Putting others emotions aside is hard. Looking back I’ve never told anyone “No” my entire life. Working on “me” seems nearly impossible.

Sara provided me with some advice that I deemed necessary to finding myself, to finding happiness. She challenged me to twelve months of hard time. Putting in hard time and dedication to finding who I am. Her challenge was simple so it sounded at first. Make a list of 12 or more things you want to learn or do. Each month this year accomplish one!

(Some may take years to learn but at least start working towards a new challenge each month.)

My list continues to grow I’m hoping to accomplish at least one a month. Each month on the 1st I choose a new item to tackle. January was a bad month for my family. We had two tragedies the first week. So, I got behind on my first goal. However, I haven’t let that stop  me. My first goal was to learn ASL Sign Language. Given today is the 31st I’m no-where near where I wanted to be but I closer to achieving that goal then I was on the 1st. (Patting myself on the back.)

My goals and adventures are listed below. I plan each month to blog about my accomplishments as I go. I hope you join me in my journey to finding happiness and finding myself. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long crazy ride!!!

I’ve written my goals on bright yellow construction paper. Hanging in my office so I can add to it as I get a bright new idea! It kinda looks like a bucket list but I call it Lets Get Happy List!

 

I’ll be posting Monday about my adventure of learning ASL! Yes, I know that may sound boring to some; but I found it so inspiring to learn!